Rating the Best Highlights from 2015-16 NBA Season: March Edition

By Dan Favale

Let's usher out the NBA's 2015-16 regular season with a bang.

All of the typical guidelines apply as we recognize the best plays from the fifth month of the Association's latest campaign. 

Ratings will be handed out to selected highlights using a five-part grading system: Difficulty, Clowning the Defender, Jaw-Drop Factor, a play-specific wild card and an overall rating that averages out the scores of the four previous categories. Ratings are weighted on a scale of zero to 99—perfection doesn't exist—and are, as always, wholly subjective.

There is, however, one new stipulation: Players may only appear once. This is otherwise known as the "Stephen Curry Rule," which exists solely for the sake of variety.

To the highlight factory! 

Difficulty: 87

You try shot-jacking Darrell Arthur and running the length of the court faster than everyone else, only to rise up for a pass that was a bit too high and then dunk it. 

Clowning the Defender: 70

Props to Gary Harris for successfully avoiding Wikipedia infamy. Shame on the Denver Nuggets for being so thoroughly outworked in transition.

Jaw-Drop Factor: 82

DeAndre Jordan has the gait of one of those humanoid robots from I, Robot.

"I Really Should Be Getting Some Defensive Player of the Year Love" Factor: 99

Last season, Jordan received a lot of defensive fanfare, most of it misrepresented or undeserving. This year is a little bit different.

According to the Total Points Added metric (TPA) developed by Bleacher Report's Adam Fromal, Jordan has saved more points on the less glamorous end than all but two players:

9. Boban "Still Bigger Than You" Marjanovic (March 26)

 

Difficulty: 75

This was more difficult for the Oklahoma City Thunder than Boban Marjanovic. It's almost expected that a 7'3", 290-pound monster impersonating an oversize human would wage this kind of destruction.

Clowning the Defender: 90

So yeah, this probably isn't a play Steve Adams, Serge Ibaka or Andre Roberson will tell his future grandchildren about.

Jaw-Drop Factor: 85

Ginormous mutants should be able to do this, but that doesn't make it any less obscene to us mere mortals.

"What a Clean-Shaven Paul Bunyan Would Look Like Dunking" Factor: 99

Pretty self-explanatory, don't you think?

Overall: 87

8. Kristaps "Got Eyes in the Back of My Head" Porzingis (March 28)

Difficulty: 81

By no means was this a great angle for Kristaps Porzingis' dime-dropping acumen. He had to swing his arm around Alexis Ajinca and ensure his pass didn't accidentally graze the baseline.

Clowning the Defender: 80

Dante Cunningham should probably think twice about jumping passing lanes when going up against a 7'3" Latvian prince with penetrating court vision. 

Jaw-Drop Factor: 90

Porzingis is what happens when you give DeAndre Jordan's explosion and rim-protecting chops to Dirk Nowitzki. And he can make plays like this, too. He must have a little bit of Chris Paul in his genes or something.

"Compel Us to Photoshop Your Head onto Kevin Love's Body in Dropping Dimes Commercial" Factor: 99

Difficulty: 81

By no means was this a great angle for Kristaps Porzingis' dime-dropping acumen. He had to swing his arm around Alexis Ajinca and ensure his pass didn't accidentally graze the baseline.

Clowning the Defender: 80

Dante Cunningham should probably think twice about jumping passing lanes when going up against a 7'3" Latvian prince with penetrating court vision. 

Jaw-Drop Factor: 90

Porzingis is what happens when you give DeAndre Jordan's explosion and rim-protecting chops to Dirk Nowitzki. And he can make plays like this, too. He must have a little bit of Chris Paul in his genes or something.

"Compel Us to Photoshop Your Head onto Kevin Love's Body in Dropping Dimes Commercial" Factor: 99

Nicely done, Kristaps.

Overall: 88

 

7. Isaiah "Defensive Player of the Year" Thomas (March 28)

 

Difficulty: 92

Paul may only stand 6'0" tall, but Isaiah Thomas is 5'9" when he sports Nerlens Noel's hairdo. This is impressive.

Clowning the Offender: 82

Truthfully, this should be higher. But Thomas loses, let's say, 10 points for love-tapping the top of Paul's noggin.

Jaw-Drop Factor: 94

Speaking as someone who stands 6'0" and couldn't chase down a toddler trying to dunk socks into a laundry basket, my jaw has yet to leave the floor.

"Heed the Words of an Ecstatic Kevin Garnett" Factor: 99

Oh my, it turns out a 32-year-old Kevin Garnett wasn't lying.

Anything really is possible.*

(*This statement has been neither confirmed nor reviewed by the Realistic Police.)

Overall: 92

Sources:
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2628929-rating-the-best-highlights-from-2015-16-nba-season-march-edition