BIG GULPS LEGAL ONCE MORE, AS AN "OBESITY DISCRIMINATION BILL" ACIDENTALLY RE-LEGALIZES THE AMERICAN PASTTIME

Image: New York Bodega introduces the "Jup Cup", after beverages its size were banned for years.

Written by Daniél Perez Antonio de la Rosa Guadaloupe Hidalgo Guitierrez of The Coyote Journal

sell anything larger. We had to charge them more. This is a better choice for the consumers, and the businesses." Juppanamarakaja then proceeded to chug an entire "Jup Cup" full of Mountain Dew, claiming "I moved to America from Pakistan so that I could do this. With the soft drink ban, I could not do this." He had a grin on his face, showing his appreciation for the new bill. "I help all of these waiting customers get their Jup Cups. It makes me so sad, knowing that now I can sell the Jup Cups, I still have to sell them with paper straws." Juppanamarakaja remarked.

Though some seem concerned about the "right to diet" aspect of the bill, worried that it may allow for the consumption of dog meat, human flesh, strawberries and Chicago style pizza. Juppanamarakaja says that he is willing to personally face the New York State supreme court to uphold his interpretation of the bill, even if it leads to some less than ideal consequences.